who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
