Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
