I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
