he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
