ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
