If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize