they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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