um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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