How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
