and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
