Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize