Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
