When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who died my cat blue again?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize