he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize