so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
