i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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