well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just invented taco cereal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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