I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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