I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Too much gin, very little bucket
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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