There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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