The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your dad touched me again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
