i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
