I accidentally burped into my bong.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
