You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
