just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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