I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize