im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
