I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
