she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
