Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
