i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize