I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
