Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
