I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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