At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
