She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
