the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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