I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
