I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
