Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
