1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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