remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
