i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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