piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
