She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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