If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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