I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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