Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
