So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
