Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
