Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
