I puked a lego.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
