What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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