I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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