she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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