My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
