I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
