The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
