Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
