Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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