can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
