theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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