Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
