Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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