dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
