she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
