All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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