We're like a lot better than the average bears
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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