If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
