I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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