Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
