I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
