i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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