Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
