it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
