The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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