i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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