My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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