Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
