I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
