Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
