you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
