Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I enjoy the company of your penis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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