Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
