Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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