it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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