I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
4 words: hood of his car
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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