Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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