you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
