so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
