He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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