Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
