How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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