No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
40s are totally the cure
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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