the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
