I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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