I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize