I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
