I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
